Dare To Live Without Limits Week Of 1/31/2022

By: 
Bryan Golden

Not getting angry has many benefits

Have you ever been angry about something? Many situations can evoke anger; a rude or inconsiderate statement, being taken advantage of, being treated unfairly, etc. When you feel angry, the need to take action seems imperative. Yet, the peak of anger is usually the worst time to plan a response.
When you're angry you feel pain. You want to do something to reduce or eliminate the pain. The more angry you are, the more driven you may be to lash out. But lashing out in anger is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Your desire to react will cloud your judgment. You will often regret action taken in haste.
Words or deeds are like firing an arrow. Once they are released, they can't be recalled. As much as you may feel an urgency to act, it's well worth your while to wait until you cool down and then assess your options.
When angry, your innate desire may be to get even, teach a lesson, put someone in their place, give someone a piece of your mind, or make a point that won't be forgotten. Anger sent out results in anger being returned. The way to break this cycle is for you to respond without anger.
The natural tendency is to want to do something to make the other person change their behavior or their thinking. However, you can't change another person. All you can do is attempt to lead a person to act in a way that allows you to accomplish your goal.
Before trying this, you have to know what your goal or objective is. If you don't know what you want to accomplish, you can't formulate a strategy or plan of action. If possible, wait overnight before sorting things out. Your outlook will be clearer after a night of sleep then at the time the interaction occurred.
Just allowing some time to pass will make a world of difference in how you respond. Be pragmatic. You need to solve a problem and move on with your life. Getting mired in an ongoing feud isn't enjoyable.
When you are angry, it's virtually impossible to keep your goal in focus. Complications arise when you act impulsively, not when you wait to take time to cool off and think. To determine the best course of action, decide what you would like to achieve if you were living in an ideal world where everything was fair.
This is your ideal goal. Your intention is to get as close to this ideal as possible. Life is better when you have peace of mind, not when there is heightened turmoil and aggravation.
Here are some suggestions for handling anger.
-If you feel angry, wait at least until the next day before planning a response.
-Ask yourself if your anger is justified or if perhaps you overreacted.
-Determine what you want to accomplish. Factor out any desire for revenge, getting even, or any other action that detracts from your best interests.
-Plan a strategy that is not filled with anger. Remember that anger sent out elicits an angry response. You have the power to break this cycle.
-Be assertive and refuse to be taken advantage of. You can do this without being angry.
-Stay focused on your goal. Don't let another person push your buttons.
-Don't lose your cool. Refrain from taking action or making statements when you feel angry. Never act without thinking.
Anger is your enemy. It impairs your thinking and diminishes sound reasoning. Everyone experiences anger. Your ability to think clearly increases with time. It's the rare exception where you don't have the option of waiting to act when you are angry.
Recognize how anger affects you and respond accordingly. Then anger will not get the better of you.

NOW AVAILABLE: "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.  2022 Bryan Golden

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