Dare to live without limits Week of 10/21/19

Bryan Golden

Instead of complaining try looking for solutions

Constant complaining is negative. Negativity repels people. Even complainers don’t like to be around other complainers. Complaining creates a mindset which makes situations worse, and attracts negative circumstances.
Complainers focus on problems. They obsess over what’s wrong. Complainers have a long litany of excuses as to why solutions won’t work. Complainers have a victim mentality where they blame other people, or circumstances, for their predicament. Complainers don’t take responsibility for their own lives.
Complainers claim they are just being realistic. They find problems everywhere and become fixated on them. Complainers are constantly looking for what is wrong with the world. Stress and misery are typical emotional states for complainers.
Complainers repel others while attracting more of whatever they are complaining about. They have a negative mindset, which makes circumstances worse. Complainers create a self-fulfilling prophesy, which is then used to give their complaints legitimacy.
If you are a complainer, you can learn how to stop. Doing so enables you to be happier and more successful in all that you do. Start with taking responsibility for your situation. Don’t place blame, or make excuses. Once a problem is identified, devote your energy to seeking positive solutions. There is a remedy for every issue.
Being solution oriented generates a positive outlook, which attracts circumstances you want and need. Be flexible in your thinking. Look for solutions from different perspectives. A change in how you look at a problem opens up new possibilities for remedies.
Study how other people have solved similar problems. Learning from their experiences saves you lots of time and energy. Whatever dilemma you are now facing has already been successfully dealt with by someone else. If they can do it, so can you.
Take initiative. Be proactive. Problems don’t fix themselves. Whining about them accomplishes nothing. Action is how problems are effectively dealt with. Problem solving is a skill that improves with practice.
Maintain an awareness of your emotional state. You are more likely to complain when stressed or frustrated. When you are upset or angry, allow time to cool down before assessing your situation, or making decisions.
Think before speaking. Catch yourself before complaining. Remind yourself that complaining accomplishes nothing. “I will find a solution for my problem,” should be incorporated into your self-talk.
Instead of complaining, ask others for ideas on how to solve your problems. Even if they don’t give you the solution you need, the process of brainstorming will get your own ideas flowing. Generating a variety of options enhances your chances of finding an appropriate strategy.
Helping others solve their problems makes you better at solving your own. The more problems you solve, the more enhanced your problem-solving skills become. You want to practice as much as possible.
Don’t complain about other people. Don’t spread gossip. If you have a problem with someone, work with them directly to find a resolution. Hammer out problems in privacy. Avoid embarrassing the other person, or putting them on the spot.
Becoming solution oriented instead of a complainer, enables you to readily bounce back and recover from problems rather than wallowing in them. As you become adept at problem solving, your tendency to complain disappears.
When facing a problem, humor is a wonderful stress reducing strategy. Look for funny or ridiculous aspects of a problem. Joke about offbeat solutions. As your stress goes down, your problem-solving ability rises.
Transitioning from a complainer to a problem solver is a permanent change. As your confidence grows, you lose any desire to complain. Your personality also becomes more attractive, and you become more pleasant to be around.

NOW AVAILABLE: "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.  2019 Bryan Golden


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